Friday, October 30, 2009

Was My 25 Year Marriage Out the Window?

I learn so much just sitting by my window watching nature and it's daily routine. Squirrels busy gathering nuts, the beautiful New England leaves changing before they drop and the sounds of geese flying in formation overhead. It sets off a feeling of urgency in my soul. Time to get started on my "list of things to do" before the wrath of winter sets in.

Things were easier with money. Much easier. A simple phone call to get the tank filled verses scurrying for wood for the wood stove. Hanging clothes is getting a bit challenging with the damp night time air setting in earlier each day. Amazing what used to come so naturally to me is now riddled with guilt. Lights left on in an unoccupied room, the touch of a thermostat dial, and worse...the use of our clothes dryer (which he disconnected to help with my threat of temptation).

I had to laugh at myself the night before when I saw my husband's headlights coming up the driveway after a long hard day's work. I jumped from my chair, tripped over dogs and ran through the house trying to make it to the laundry room before the sound of the door knob's turn. I literally was suffering from a panic attack. I felt as if I was committing adultery and my husband was walking through the door ready to discover my scantly dressed lover.

But you see, I had committed the ultimate sin. Now please don't think my husband is a mean guy. Total opposite. He works so hard and is so kind. I feel compelled to help out in any possible way and that includes saving money in these tough economic times.

I was good, I was good for a long time, but it is time I come clean, the guilt is killing me. It is with great remorse that I admit to falling off the wagon.

Oh, and no, I was much too fast for Glenn to catch me with new my love... my self made dryer vent :)

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